winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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