The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
