I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
