My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
