i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
