maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
