would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
