I can text with my tongue
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
