So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
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Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
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I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.