Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If you need anything just hit me up
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS