brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
This house was built for laser tag.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.