dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
