He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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