i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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