you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
