Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
