Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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