oh god the rape fog is back!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
