the only muscles i have these days is kegels
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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