There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
