You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
