From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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