everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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