They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
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I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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