Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
