My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
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Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
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I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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