I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
