Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize