I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
