Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
