I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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