my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
