some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
