Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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