last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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