i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
