is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
