I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
