you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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