not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize