I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
