What did we do last night that was yellow?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
