I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
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Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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