i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
