he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
