How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need water and some morals
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
