Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
