I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
