she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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