She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
is it fun? or sober?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
