dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
