im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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