Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
