I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She even gives head with a lisp.
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she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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