I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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