the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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