plz talk dirty to me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
