Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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