last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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