i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
