Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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