My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
