i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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