You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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