3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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