so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
do herpes really smell.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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