I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
