Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
True strength comes from lack of pants
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