After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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