I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
