I wanna passion pit in your ass
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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