so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
