Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
then he tried to convert me to islam
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
