Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
